Life asked Death, “Why do people love me but hate you?” Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth” ~Unknown
I woke up from what seemed like a very deep slumber and found myself floating underwater. I struggled to stand and fortunately, the water was shallow enough for me to stretch just high enough to keep my head afloat. I looked around me. The light of day was slowly fading with the setting sun. I could feel my face aglow with the last ray of the most beautiful hue of orange light I had ever seen. I closed my eyes and imagined the warmth of the glow caressing my hair, my face and my shoulders. When I opened my eyes again, the tint of orange seemed to have faded into the twilight. It made me sad. I didn’t know why but for some reason I was engulfed by a wave of nostalgia as I waded out of the water and onto the sandy beach.
I looked down at my toes as I tried to wiggle the sand off them. It was a very uncomfortable feeling; prickly and ticklish at the same time. I could see my feet flickering into view. It took a lot of effort to keep my view in focus as my feet kept appearing and disappearing every few seconds as though my whole physical form was nothing but a shimmer. My physical form. I could not recall ever having it. I touched my hair. It was chin-length, short, wavy and dripping wet. I considered how nice would it be to have straight, long hair and almost immediately I felt my long tresses falling over my shoulders, tickling down my back and brushing over my face as a gust of wind blew. I could feel the softness of my hair covering my bare back all the way to my waist and I suddenly realised that I was naked. I looked down at my hands and feet. I was stark naked except for the black nail polish on all my nails. My skin was unbelievably pale as though there was no blood flowing underneath it.
I felt lost. And tired. I couldn’t remember how I had got here or who I was. Did I have a name? Family or friends who were looking for me? I felt a familiar sense of loneliness laden by an unfathomable air of melancholy as though I had always been alone and I had become used to it.
Up above, I spied the pale, lonely moon. I imagined she must feel so exhausted from looking down night after night and seeing all that was happening below her through her misty veil of dark clouds. I wondered if she was as tired of her existence as I was.
I tried to search through the corridors of my mind for any hint of memories that would resurface. Coming from a distance, I could hear a faint wail of distress. I was surprised to find that I could approach the source of the wailing in my mind. I could hear cries of pain, agony and despair and in my mind, I saw a dying little girl in the arms of her mother. From another distant part of the world, an accident victim was gasping for breath and desperately holding on to his fragile life while in the exact opposite part of the world, an elderly woman was lying on her death bed, contented with a well-spent life, waiting. And suddenly like waves crashing against a rocky shore, it all came crashing down at once. Voices and visions of those who were dying from near and far. I could hear every whisper, every thought, every cry and every scream. I could sense all their sorrows, woes, heartaches and regrets. The emotions were intense and excruciating yet comforting; as though it was natural for me to feel drawn to death. So many are on the brink, just waiting for the end, waiting for their souls to be collected. I could feel myself making a conscious effort not to get pulled into my visions.
I tried to concentrate on my surroundings instead. I could feel the struggling dark sea calming down to the gentle howls of the wind and the whispers of the waves. Oddly enough, I thought I heard the sound of a ticking clock in the background. As the sound drew closer, the ticking slowed until it eventually died off. Time stood still and the world had halted. I suddenly felt a presence behind me - a familiar presence. It spoke in my mind, “Have you been hiding again?! You know I can’t see you underwater! I am owed 2,808,526 souls. You have 3 days or there’ll be consequences!”
Without turning around, I began to walk towards the rippling blanket of darkness in front of me. The songs of the waves beckoned me, singing of memories of an existence that has lived for millennia compounded by time without end. I would fade into Nothing and I would do what I was tasked. As I disappeared into the shadow, I could hear the invisible clock started ticking again and I knew then that all was as it should be.
Death doesn’t exist. It never did, it never will. But we’ve drawn so many pictures of it, so many years, trying to pin it down, comprehend it, we’ve got to thinking of it as an entity, strangely alive and greedy. All it is, however, is a stopped watch, a loss, an end, a darkness. Nothing. ~ Ray Bradbury
Written by: Agnes Chin
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